A Matter of Confidence

Now that you have read the worst story I ever wrote, It is time I introduced you to some of my better work, lest I lose all the respect of my readers. This story was written by me during my MBA days when I was fascinated by P.G.Wodehouse and Douglas Adams. There were many a night when I stayed up to read but not the texts. It was the brilliance of Jeeves and the eccentricities of Zaphod Beeblebrox that kept me up at night.

Source: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1989/10/18

Ever since I read that Adams himself was inspired by Wodehouse and since he applied it in the genre of Science Fiction, it was almost unrecognisable, I thought... let me try it with Spirituality. Presumptuous? I suppose so but nevertheless, a short story competition in Asian Age spurred me into this ridiculous experiment and the result of it is down here for you to judge. Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado I present, "A matter of confidence..."

"Kreeng, Kreeng", was the sound coming out of the doll in Suresh's hand. Another doll nearby was ceaselessly repeating his name. He knew that namasmarana was the sole refuge in Kali- Yuga but why his name? He suddenly became aware of a slight drizzle in the room. What is this? Was he dreaming? There comes a time in life when every man reckons with the truth and this was Suresh’s moment of truth. He opened his eyes and realized that he do had in fact been dreaming. But hardly had he opened his eyes when a pair of hands clasped round his eyes.

Though his eyes did like to get back to the darkness, it some how preferred the eyelids which did not squeeze it so hard. Suresh' s mother - for it was her clasps, I mean, hands -asked him to get up slowly from the bed. Newton's first law of motion states that a body in rest tends to remain in rest and a body in motion tends to remain in the state of uniform motion unless disturbed by an external opposing force. I don't know about the latter but the former is definitely true with Suresh's body, especially at the unearthly hour of 4:30 in the morning.

But then the external force -in this case his mothers voice -was too strong here that he let himself to obey it without any question. His mother slowly led him to the adjoining room and asked him to sit. He meekly submitted. "Now open your eyes, dear", she said loosening her clasp. This was the most difficult part to obey because his eyes were reluctant to see light. It was not his mistake but that of inertia. Finally however he conceded and opened his eyes to see a vast array of blissfully smiling faces of various Gods giving their benedictions to him. He found himself sitting in the puja room.

"Happy Birthday, dear. You are twenty now", came his mother's voice into Suresh' s ear. Suresh immediately became wide-awake feeling like a grown up adult, ashamed that he was still dreaming of dolls while most of his friends describe hi-fi motorcars they see in theirs. He turned to his mother, gave her a sheepish smile and said, "Thank you mom, but couldn't you atleast wait for the good old sun to come and wish me first."

"At least on his birthday, I thought that the king will get up during the brahma-muhurtam and offer his salutations to the Lord", steamed his mother but just as drastically as she had lost her temper she smiled again. After all this was Suresh's day. She was going to make it as perfect as possible for him.

The fact remained that she had so much to be proud of in her son. Though he was not hardworking, he was born with an elephant's memory and an intellect as fast as a cheetah. He always prepared in the last minute but ended up topping the class. He may be a fish out of the water in the playground but put him in front of a mike and give him any topic he will give a discourse at length.

She slowly urged the sloth, err ..., Suresh to get up and have his bath. What ever you might have thought about Suresh’s mother, you cannot call her inconsiderate for she had kept a large quantity of hot water in the bathroom along with oil and shikakai. After his morning bath, Suresh came out feeling like a peasant who has suddenly been turned into a king. He briskly put on his new clothes, groomed himself and got ready to visit the temple.

Suresh's father was very unobtrusive. He never wanted to give the sun the shock of seeing him when it is just rising over the horizon. He gives it a lead-time of at least some three hours before it had to be intimated of his existence and his son's birthday was no reason to give the sun a heart attack. So Suresh and his mother left their Chennai flat and headed towards the Madhya Kailas temple, which was just a few blocks away from their house.

"Happy Birthday, Suresh", said the temple priest and gave a gurgling laugh. He blessed him and taking the archana plate from his mother, calmly left to offer it to the lord after confirming his astrological details. But after breaking the coconut, he came out rushing in an excited mood and informed that there was a flower in the coconut. This being considered an auspicious occurrence, Suresh’s mother got all jubilant. "I knew that this was going to be a special year for my son and now Ganesha has attested it." She cried.

Thanking God for his benign blessing and without disturbing his mother who had her eyes firmly shut, he started his pradakshana. As he went round the temple he saw a person sitting in an inconspicuous corner of the temple in a meditating posture. His eyes were half-open and his countenance was benign with a smile of a man who does not have a worry in his life. He had long hair, his face was clean-shaven and he was wearing ochre robes.

Sanyasis and yogis are mysterious people and when confronted with a mystery, some people go head on towards solving it with the sole aim of getting the hero status, but most people would like to pretend that it did not exist and totally ignore it. Suresh belonged to the latter category .He had gone round the temple eight times now and though he was chanting the lords name all the time, his mind was always engaged in the strange "Man In Ochre". "The MIO", he thought to himself. As he was just passing him, Suresh’s mother called out to him. After informing him that she had some work at home, she was about to leave him to complete his 108 pradakshanas, when she noticed the MIO for the first time. She prostrated in front of him and seeing that he was still deep in meditation, left him silently. Suresh continued on this broodings and decided that he will meet him if the MIO shows any signs of being aware of his attention on him.

Just as this thought came to his mind, the MIO opened his eyes fully and called out, "Suresh", in a sweet and soft voice. Suresh got startled and fell at the holy man's feet and asked, "Swami, how do you know my name?" "I heard your mother call you" He replied with a mischievous smile. You know how man's best friend feels when after enthusiastically digging up a bone, remembers that it was he who had buried it in the first place. Well, if you do, then you know how Suresh felt at that moment. He had been imagining all sorts of replies starting from “I read you mind" to "I got it by merging my sub- conscience with the super-conscience"

The holy man enquired with his sweet voice what he was brooding over. "Nothing", replied Suresh in a hurry. "Wow", exclaimed the holy man, “All types of renunciates try to contemplate on nothing everyday but end up thinking of something or the other. Mind keeps drifting either to the past or the future. It is highly difficult to keep it still and yet here you are, such a young man and you brood over nothing." Suresh was inclined to get angry but looking at his innocent smile and gleaming eyes, he was filled with some strange kind of love. Somehow, he felt he could never be angry with this person. It was so joyful in his presence that he craved to have more conversation with him. Therefore just to continue the conversation he asked, "If you were aware of my mother when she prostrated before you, why did you not respond to her". The holy man replied, “Though she prostrated before me, her mind was at the work she was to do at your home. I did not want to disturb her from doing her duty. On the other hand, though you went round and round the temple, you kept thinking of me. Therefore to still your mind, I had to call you”. “I see”, said Suresh, with wonder in his eyes.

"So how do you reach God?" he asked thinking that it is the most obvious question to ask him. “By dying" replied MIO spontaneously. "What?" exclaimed Suresh; "You mean that Ramakrishna, Yogananda, Ramana Maharishi and the rest did not reach God before they died". "No", replied the holy man, "but they realized him before they left their body. Birth and death are nothing but the installation and dissolution of one's ego. The moment he realizes that he is not the doer but a mere instrument, he has killed the ego and therefore reached God". "Oh", said Suresh and not "Ah". The latter being incomprehensible, it is fortunate that he used the former as it means that he thought he understood. "So", asked Suresh, "If I run away to some silent place and ceaselessly meditate on the lord, I will forget myself and therefore I shall reach God. Right?"

"Why", asked the holy man with a slight anger in his voice, "do you want to run away? If you sit in some quiet place do you think your mind will become quiet? Spirituality is not running away from life but leading it the right way. Ego can be killed with only a knife whose handle is made of love and blade with sacrifice. Serve all your fellow men without any feeling of doer-ship. Do it not out of pity or sympathy but purely by love and empathy. Do this without expecting any return. Dedicate all your actions to Him and let Him worry about its fruits. When you do this you don't have to reach God, God will come and reach you". He then blessed Suresh -who was too dumbstruck to speak anything -and gave him his leave. An association started like this cannot fizzle out like a wet firecracker. It hence blossomed into a beautiful variety of some exotic flora which Suresh will learn about the day before his botany exam or probably on the morning of that day.

Suresh visited his new master everyday to quench his new found spiritual thirst. When his friends learnt about this they became afraid that he might become a sadhu himself. But then he never talked to them on the spiritual jingo of Atman or Brahman or anything that you expect a prospective sadhu to speak. He was still their good old Suresh and yet there was something more pleasant about him. He became their confidant and advisor. All his advices were very practical and straightforward. He gradually became the most popular boy in college. Everyone loved him. Even the bullies spoke softly to him. When asked the reason, he replied that his master had said that if one is completely transparent and straightforward, no other force except love could affect him.

It was the 6th of December, three months after Suresh's birthday. His friend Pavan came running to him filled with excitement. If you thought that he looked like a pressure cooker, which is just going to sound its whistle, then you would be far from the truth, but if you imagined him to be an atom bomb just about to explode, you would be closer. He opened his mouth but alas his tongue couldn't keep pace with the speed of his mind. All that which came out his mouth was so incomprehensible that for some time Suresh thought that Pavan had learnt a new language and was showing off to him but then he realized that no language could have so many "oohs" and "aahs", "Stop", he said and Pavan stopped. He thrust a bottle into Pavan's hand and asked him to drink and he drank. "Relax", said Suresh and he relaxed. "Now, speak", cried Suresh and Pavan sprang up dramatically,

"We read in the paper some months ago about that confidence trickster, Jagadeesh who put on various disguises and cheated people out of their money. Remember?" he asked. Suresh nodded. "Well, they just arrested him. Do you know who he is?" He challenged with the air of the Oscar host who looks at the winning name in the envelope and then glances over pitifully at the ignorant audience. Suresh looked up at him with a slight sign of squalor. "I know", he said "Master". 

"But, how did you know?", gasped Pavan at the bursting of his knowledge bubble. "Master told me", replied Suresh. "He played one drama after another in his life till he realized that life itself is a drama. He has now been arrested by his own will. He has gone there so as to help all those people who need his help most". 

"I hope you wouldn't miss him too much", said Pavan. Suresh smiled with a strange faraway look in his eyes and said, "May be I wouldn't need to".