How I became part of "His" Story - Part II
Continued from Part I... (Since the gap between Part I and Part II is 3.5 years, I suggest you please read Part I before continuing below)
April 1 2005
The Bhajans reached its crescendo with the pace getting faster and faster, moving my thoughts along in similar speed. Suddenly, without warning, the sound of "Aum Jai Jagadesha Hare..." started, much to the disappointment of the assembly. We had all been made April Fools. Immediately, I rushed to my father and said, the tie is not all that important. I will share it with some classmate of mine. A scene of some Kamal Hassan film, in which he does that was playing in my mind. So, it seemed a cool thing to do. We would stay back for the evening session and leave for Bangalore in the night.
During the afternoon session, I was seated on the third row but directly in front of Swami's Chair. IF, Bhagawan decides to sit on stage, I would have a wonderful view but THAT was not very regular. Swami used to usually take a round of Darshan and move to interview room and subsequently the Bhajan Hall before taking Arati and leaving. My only hope was if He takes my letter during His rounds in the car.
Like the fly which alternates its flight between the food grains and the dustbin, my mind too wandered from the future to the past. Present was an unknown entity to it.
Like the fly which alternates its flight between the food grains and the dustbin, my mind too wandered from the future to the past. Present was an unknown entity to it.
I entered the portals of the Sri Sathya Sai Senior Boys Hostel on the morning of May 31st. Predictably enough, the very last date for joining. Bhagawan was in Brindavan and therefore the pace in Prasanthi Nilayam was slightly more leisurely. A senior of MBA, whom I later found to be one of the most melodious Bhajan singers of his batch, came forward to assist me to my room and offered to carry my luggage. I laughed in my head, imagining my engineering ragging days (which itself was extremely subdued compared to the horror stories we hear).
There was one major fear running in my head the moment I entered my room. I was half expecting to see everyone with their eyes half closed and levitating in mid-air. I was wondering how I would fit in. Fortunately for me, that was far from the case. My room, 'A16', was a different room from my other MBA batch mates because this was the room full of Science students and the science students of SSSIHL, are an exceedingly studious lot. No wonder then, that our University is in the list of top rankers in GATE (Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering), year after year. One of my room mates of A16, went on to score the All India First Rank in Physics. I always enjoyed intellectual companionship and got more than a good measure of it in this room.
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| Home away from home - Sri Sathya Sai Senior Boys Hostel |
I quickly got an understanding of the students and teachers of SSSIHL. It contained the entire spectrum of personalities. When Bhagawan said that Prasanthi Nilayam is a mini world. He meant it in the truest sense. Not just that people from all geographies were here but that people from all characteristics were here too. How ever there was ONE unifying factor - Love for Him.
I experienced my first miracle, on my first walk from Hostel to Institute. My fear of stray dogs and monkeys had just got lifted. I can't explain how it happened. It just did. Also, this lack of fear did not stop at Prasanthi Nilayam but also extended where ever I went. Despite, this awesome experience and the many desirable aspects of life in Prasanthi, I found myself wondering, if I had made the right decision. If I should start preparing for CAT again and apply for IIMs once more. The Hero for whom I had come, was still in Brindavan and my mind was shifting back to Chennai. Another reason for my home sickness, was my most notorious sense organ, the slithering serpent of taste, the tongue. Having got used to Mother's food all through its life, hostel food was not satisfying the pallet sufficiently. (Now, the memory of hostel food is a refreshing one. Venkatachalam Groundnut Chutney would be the only reason my tongue would be willing to take another birth for.)
Normally, the students don't get to go home during the semester for any reason other than something major like a wedding of a sibling etc. I spent almost the major part of my first semester in Chennai enjoying home food thanks to some evaluator who found our "Speech Processing" answer sheets, a good place to play Tic Tac Toe. O and X were his favourite grades for all answers. This subject was an elective offered by very few institutes in the University and the person who corrected had given me the fearsome number of 13/100. I had failed in one subject along with most of my classmates who took that elective and therefore my admission to MBA was not valid till I get my answer sheet reviewed and got my marks corrected.
Nothing can make you love an object like the fear of it getting snatched away from you. This incident made me suddenly understand how lucky I was to have got this MBA seat and how much I wanted to spend these two years here. After my first unsuccessful trip to Chennai, Bhagawan arrived from Brindavan on 9th July, 4 days before Guru Purnima. The festival discourse was an awe inspiring one. He spoke about permanence of the spirit, the power of prayer and faith. The highlight though, was when Bhagawan Himself turned a hero worshipper. Hearing him speak about Sri Indulal Shah, Smt Sarala Shah and brothers Satyajit and Dilip, was fascinating. The fact that one of us could be spoken about in such high terms by the Divine was flattering. I took as much pride in Satyajit's accomplishment as if it was my own. After all he too was a student. We had at least that in common.
Few days later, it was time for me to go back to Chennai to sort out this problem. This time I wrote a letter to HIM saying, that He should either solve this problem as the University Chancellor or the Universal Chancellor. Bhagawan walked in a different route that day and before the line leaders (student versions of Darshan Sevadal) could stop me. I moved forward close to swami. He stretched his hands and I deposited the prayer. That was the first letter of mine that He took and also the first time that I saw Him from such close quarters. He took my letter, looked into my eyes and said, "Sit Down". Lost in the thrill of proximity, I could not hear the words. Went closer to him and asked, "Swami?". He said again more loudly but smilingly, "Sit Down" and I sat. My body was however floating in the air. Buoyed by the assurance that only He can give, I bought a small photo of Bhagawan holding letters in one hand and blessing with the other and putting it in my wallet, headed to Chennai with lot more confidence.
To cut a long story short, I returned with my Engineering results cleared, my MBA admission validated and his assurance vindicated. My first year of MBA was a very enjoyable experience in the company of new and very different friends, jogs and walks in fresh air, group song practices, Table Tennis sessions, a rediscovery of the joy of reading (please don't mistake me. I am not referring to academics here), sports meet (wherein I got to play violin in a Musical Symphony of Instruments and Dance) and most of all watching - 'Love in Action'.
The second year and final year of student life came rushing at top speed. An year had gone away in a wink. The year to come was going to be special in many ways. Bhagawan suddenly started asking Warden to arrange for programme from students. He wanted to give lot of chances to students to perform in the Sai Kulwant Hall. Programme started in the form of Student Talks. Here, I need to recollect something. The one hitch I was having during my first year MBA was my Tamil Ego, which was troubling me constantly. I did not like the fact that the Telugu students would speak disparagingly of the Tamil Populace. It made me furious. I wanted to prove the greatness of Tamil and borrowing a book of Thiru Kural, I by-hearted many of the couplets. Tamil was a language that I had never studied and actually never cared about till I thought I was finding it disrespected.
I prepared a speech around these couplets and approached warden. He asked me to check with Dr. Sainath, a physics lecturer and an excellent speaker himself. Had a nice session with him and got many important tips.
The big day arrived. Three of us were to speak on that day and my speech was scheduled to be second. Bhagawan asked Warden as soon as he came as to who are the speakers and Warden beckoned to us. I ran upto him, kneeling down on the top step, I stretched up towards him and he leaned down to me with many strands of his hair falling in front of his head. This was the closest I had ever seen Him and I was captivated by that beauty. The strands of hair formed a thin veil over his face prompting the below verse in my head
(Hear full song here.)
After this talk, I found out a very important lesson on public speaking. The best, the enjoyable and the most engaging talks are by the speakers who do not take themselves seriously. When you take yourselves seriously, it usually leads to people laughing at you and not with you. The August assembly in front of Bhagawan was of course no rowdy gang and hence heard me fully with utmost patience. Bhagawan in his infinite mercy looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes at the end of my talk and said "chaala shortu" (Very short speech). The verdict among my good meaning friends that day was that only two people enjoyed my talk - Bhagawan, the universal mother and our Vice Chancellor Mr.S.V. Giri which lead to me being recommended for a second talk in front of Swami - this would finally materialise in my final semester.
The third semester also allowed me to try my hand at dramatics. I viewed dramatics as a caricature - an exaggerated view of everything where as the Parthi way of doing things (and also the modern way) was to underplay especially in the body language.
We had a variety performance in front of Swami starting with dumb charades. We would enact various quotations of Swami with other students guessing what it was. The quote given to me was "Start Early, Drive Slowly, Reach safely". It had me looking at the watch, getting into the car, slowly driving it and reaching the destination and gesturing a safe arrival. During the rehearsals the size of the imaginary steering wheel I was holding in my hand was a matter of much amusement. However, the performance went well and had the full attention of Swami. Even the final group photo has me looking into the camera and Swami looking at me the way someone would look at an exhibition piece.
Our batch established itself as one with extreme talent with the drama "From Independence to Swarajya" ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrVfX2Bwxnw ). Of course it helped a lot that I had a very small part to play in it. I was a freedom fighter who gets shot but mysteriously turns up again at the jail.
Next opportunity was the MBA Drama. I did the role of a trade Union Leader in the play and am probably the only person in the history of Prasanthi Nilayam to have looked Swami in the eye and shouted "STRIKE". More interesting than the drama itself though was the opportunity to interact with Swami before the drama in the Bhajan Hall. Swami had come inside the Bhajan hall to see the decorations etc and quite surprisingly, the situation changed into one of a group interview. Many lives were shaped that day by Swami in a very palpable way. Swami then opened the hall for questioning. Anyone can ask Him any doubts. I took courage and asked him a question:
H: "Swami, how to become free of bondage from moods. When I am in a good mood, I am able to accomplish so much, when I am in a bad mood, I can do nothing. How do I control this?"
Swami: "Who are you?"
H:
Swami: "You are not the body. You are not the mind. What is that?"
H: Neenga than Swami (you only Swami)
Swami: Apidiyelam Solla Kudathu (translation of apparent intent rather than words: Don't act oversmart. Listen to what I am saying)
H:
Swami: That is Atma. Understand that first and you will be free from the clutches of the mind.
I did not understand this at that time. I felt Swami escaped off giving some bouncer. (sorry for the student vocabulary here). It was much later I understood that we are already perfect and divine and the only change we need to do is a change of perspective. Again it is only a theoretical understanding. I bow to those who have actually experienced this.
The third opportunity in dramatics, was when I co-wrote and acted in a programme for Eid Al Fitr. We had invited the Maulvi of the mosque in Puttaparthi to our hostel and learened from him stories from the Quran that we can depict as a drama and found a beautiful one about a devout Muslim offering Iftar (breaking of the fast during Ramadan month) without discrimination. A friend informs him that he has sinned since the beneficiaries of the feast included a thief, a miser and other 'undeserving' people. He is then assured by an inner voice that his duty was only to offer the Iftar and not judge the beneficiaries and is further assured that many of them had a transformation due to this act of love.
I played the role of the thief and post transformation, I say the following dialogue, "Allah! I promise you today that from now on I shall lead an honest life and rely on You for my daily bread". I do still rely on Him but unfortunately I am not conscious of it all the time. However, I was grateful for the opportunity to say that dialogue in front of Bhagawan. After that came the first of its kind interaction with devotees in a student programme( Watch full video here: https://vimeo.com/136456501 )
The mind fly which was flying from past to future and back suddenly got caught in the honey of the present. A shift in the quality of silence (which might go un-deducted by ultraedge) alerted us to the arrival of Bhagawan. The rustling of the sitting mats and closing of the books and pens indicated that the Poornachandra door had opened. It was Darshan time. Probably my last Darshan of Swami as a student. With the letter seeking permission to leave ready in my hand, I awaited the arrival of the Lord.
Link to Part III
I experienced my first miracle, on my first walk from Hostel to Institute. My fear of stray dogs and monkeys had just got lifted. I can't explain how it happened. It just did. Also, this lack of fear did not stop at Prasanthi Nilayam but also extended where ever I went. Despite, this awesome experience and the many desirable aspects of life in Prasanthi, I found myself wondering, if I had made the right decision. If I should start preparing for CAT again and apply for IIMs once more. The Hero for whom I had come, was still in Brindavan and my mind was shifting back to Chennai. Another reason for my home sickness, was my most notorious sense organ, the slithering serpent of taste, the tongue. Having got used to Mother's food all through its life, hostel food was not satisfying the pallet sufficiently. (Now, the memory of hostel food is a refreshing one. Venkatachalam Groundnut Chutney would be the only reason my tongue would be willing to take another birth for.)
Normally, the students don't get to go home during the semester for any reason other than something major like a wedding of a sibling etc. I spent almost the major part of my first semester in Chennai enjoying home food thanks to some evaluator who found our "Speech Processing" answer sheets, a good place to play Tic Tac Toe. O and X were his favourite grades for all answers. This subject was an elective offered by very few institutes in the University and the person who corrected had given me the fearsome number of 13/100. I had failed in one subject along with most of my classmates who took that elective and therefore my admission to MBA was not valid till I get my answer sheet reviewed and got my marks corrected.
 |
| Source: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/03/02 |
Nothing can make you love an object like the fear of it getting snatched away from you. This incident made me suddenly understand how lucky I was to have got this MBA seat and how much I wanted to spend these two years here. After my first unsuccessful trip to Chennai, Bhagawan arrived from Brindavan on 9th July, 4 days before Guru Purnima. The festival discourse was an awe inspiring one. He spoke about permanence of the spirit, the power of prayer and faith. The highlight though, was when Bhagawan Himself turned a hero worshipper. Hearing him speak about Sri Indulal Shah, Smt Sarala Shah and brothers Satyajit and Dilip, was fascinating. The fact that one of us could be spoken about in such high terms by the Divine was flattering. I took as much pride in Satyajit's accomplishment as if it was my own. After all he too was a student. We had at least that in common.
Few days later, it was time for me to go back to Chennai to sort out this problem. This time I wrote a letter to HIM saying, that He should either solve this problem as the University Chancellor or the Universal Chancellor. Bhagawan walked in a different route that day and before the line leaders (student versions of Darshan Sevadal) could stop me. I moved forward close to swami. He stretched his hands and I deposited the prayer. That was the first letter of mine that He took and also the first time that I saw Him from such close quarters. He took my letter, looked into my eyes and said, "Sit Down". Lost in the thrill of proximity, I could not hear the words. Went closer to him and asked, "Swami?". He said again more loudly but smilingly, "Sit Down" and I sat. My body was however floating in the air. Buoyed by the assurance that only He can give, I bought a small photo of Bhagawan holding letters in one hand and blessing with the other and putting it in my wallet, headed to Chennai with lot more confidence.
 |
| The Photograph I bought before boarding the bus to Chennai |
The second year and final year of student life came rushing at top speed. An year had gone away in a wink. The year to come was going to be special in many ways. Bhagawan suddenly started asking Warden to arrange for programme from students. He wanted to give lot of chances to students to perform in the Sai Kulwant Hall. Programme started in the form of Student Talks. Here, I need to recollect something. The one hitch I was having during my first year MBA was my Tamil Ego, which was troubling me constantly. I did not like the fact that the Telugu students would speak disparagingly of the Tamil Populace. It made me furious. I wanted to prove the greatness of Tamil and borrowing a book of Thiru Kural, I by-hearted many of the couplets. Tamil was a language that I had never studied and actually never cared about till I thought I was finding it disrespected.
I prepared a speech around these couplets and approached warden. He asked me to check with Dr. Sainath, a physics lecturer and an excellent speaker himself. Had a nice session with him and got many important tips.
The big day arrived. Three of us were to speak on that day and my speech was scheduled to be second. Bhagawan asked Warden as soon as he came as to who are the speakers and Warden beckoned to us. I ran upto him, kneeling down on the top step, I stretched up towards him and he leaned down to me with many strands of his hair falling in front of his head. This was the closest I had ever seen Him and I was captivated by that beauty. The strands of hair formed a thin veil over his face prompting the below verse in my head
Thiraiyin pin nirkinraay kannaa
Unnai marai Odhum Nyaaniyar mattume kaanpaar
endraalum kurai onrum enakkillai kannaa
After this talk, I found out a very important lesson on public speaking. The best, the enjoyable and the most engaging talks are by the speakers who do not take themselves seriously. When you take yourselves seriously, it usually leads to people laughing at you and not with you. The August assembly in front of Bhagawan was of course no rowdy gang and hence heard me fully with utmost patience. Bhagawan in his infinite mercy looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes at the end of my talk and said "chaala shortu" (Very short speech). The verdict among my good meaning friends that day was that only two people enjoyed my talk - Bhagawan, the universal mother and our Vice Chancellor Mr.S.V. Giri which lead to me being recommended for a second talk in front of Swami - this would finally materialise in my final semester.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining!
The third semester also allowed me to try my hand at dramatics. I viewed dramatics as a caricature - an exaggerated view of everything where as the Parthi way of doing things (and also the modern way) was to underplay especially in the body language.
 |
| Source: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1986/11/15 |
Our batch established itself as one with extreme talent with the drama "From Independence to Swarajya" ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrVfX2Bwxnw ). Of course it helped a lot that I had a very small part to play in it. I was a freedom fighter who gets shot but mysteriously turns up again at the jail.
Next opportunity was the MBA Drama. I did the role of a trade Union Leader in the play and am probably the only person in the history of Prasanthi Nilayam to have looked Swami in the eye and shouted "STRIKE". More interesting than the drama itself though was the opportunity to interact with Swami before the drama in the Bhajan Hall. Swami had come inside the Bhajan hall to see the decorations etc and quite surprisingly, the situation changed into one of a group interview. Many lives were shaped that day by Swami in a very palpable way. Swami then opened the hall for questioning. Anyone can ask Him any doubts. I took courage and asked him a question:
H: "Swami, how to become free of bondage from moods. When I am in a good mood, I am able to accomplish so much, when I am in a bad mood, I can do nothing. How do I control this?"
Swami: "Who are you?"
H:
Swami: "You are not the body. You are not the mind. What is that?"
H: Neenga than Swami (you only Swami)
Swami: Apidiyelam Solla Kudathu (translation of apparent intent rather than words: Don't act oversmart. Listen to what I am saying)
H:
Swami: That is Atma. Understand that first and you will be free from the clutches of the mind.
I did not understand this at that time. I felt Swami escaped off giving some bouncer. (sorry for the student vocabulary here). It was much later I understood that we are already perfect and divine and the only change we need to do is a change of perspective. Again it is only a theoretical understanding. I bow to those who have actually experienced this.
The third opportunity in dramatics, was when I co-wrote and acted in a programme for Eid Al Fitr. We had invited the Maulvi of the mosque in Puttaparthi to our hostel and learened from him stories from the Quran that we can depict as a drama and found a beautiful one about a devout Muslim offering Iftar (breaking of the fast during Ramadan month) without discrimination. A friend informs him that he has sinned since the beneficiaries of the feast included a thief, a miser and other 'undeserving' people. He is then assured by an inner voice that his duty was only to offer the Iftar and not judge the beneficiaries and is further assured that many of them had a transformation due to this act of love.
I played the role of the thief and post transformation, I say the following dialogue, "Allah! I promise you today that from now on I shall lead an honest life and rely on You for my daily bread". I do still rely on Him but unfortunately I am not conscious of it all the time. However, I was grateful for the opportunity to say that dialogue in front of Bhagawan. After that came the first of its kind interaction with devotees in a student programme( Watch full video here: https://vimeo.com/136456501 )
The mind fly which was flying from past to future and back suddenly got caught in the honey of the present. A shift in the quality of silence (which might go un-deducted by ultraedge) alerted us to the arrival of Bhagawan. The rustling of the sitting mats and closing of the books and pens indicated that the Poornachandra door had opened. It was Darshan time. Probably my last Darshan of Swami as a student. With the letter seeking permission to leave ready in my hand, I awaited the arrival of the Lord.
Link to Part III
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